Your body is probably letting you know it feels distress. You may feel you have no strength left for your own basic needs, let alone the needs of others.
Actually, one literal definition of the word "grievous" is "causing physical suffering. Your body is so very wise. It will try to slow you down and invite you to authentically mourn the losses that touch your life. The emotions of grief are often experienced as bodily-felt energies. We mourn life losses from the inside out. In our experience as a physician and grief counselor, it is only when we care for ourselves physically that we can integrate our losses emotionally and spiritually.
Allow us to introduce you to how your body attempts to slow you down and prepare you to mourn your life losses. Among the most common physical responses to loss are trouble sleeping and low energy.
It is so common we even have a fancy term for it-the "lethargy of grief. Perhaps you are having difficulty getting to sleep, but even more commonly, you may wake up early in the morning and have trouble getting back to sleep. Because she was so scared of death a main cause of anxiety I pray to God she did not suffer or know what was happening. It happened in her sleep, so I am not sure. Words cannot express the pain I feel, but I am grateful to have come across your article because just like you, I dwell on the loss of a future I envisioned with my beautiful sister.
Regardless of detaching myself these past years due to her illness I was the target of much jealousy and resentment , I mourn the hope I had for a future with her. All we talked about was having babies together one day. While I need to be here for her and be strong, I am grieving my own loss. Just like you said, my mom is in bed depressed while my dad drowns himself in work to avoid the pain. I feel helpless somedays, and helpful other days. These past couple days have been more physically painful more rather than tears and breakdowns for me.
I feel I am in a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. That is the only way I can describe this heartache. I too lost my brother who suffered from schizoaffective disorder. The tablets the doctor put him on. Ballooned him up and he died from heart failure, sept He was younger than I.
My Dad died 5 months in Feb after my brother. My mum died about 8 years ago. Big hugs, your not alone. If you ever need to chat just message me. Your in my thoughts. Becky Stone May 19, at pm Reply.
My mum had a fall late March and then died on May 15th. She was only She went back into hospital 3 times, first they found 3 hip fractures and a water infection. She came home and was in great pain and confusion. Last time she went into hospital they found a 4th fracture and infections and brain infection. She then caught Covid19 and went downhill so fast. I only saw her once before she passed. Me and Dad are feeling all these feelings. Life is different now. I lost my mum yesterday.
I am only 12 she passed away 9. This artical is completley true I have all of these things. My sisters and i are greiving very hardly and we are completly drained.
It has only been 1 day since she passed away but still and because of us being in isolation. She passed away from kidney faileir and a heart infection… But it is good to know that she is in peace now. Widowed April 10, at pm Reply. I am so sorry for your loss! This is a hard time for all. I just lost my husband and the father of my kids on Tuesday.
This is unimaginable. He was so young with a lot of life to live. We all have to take care of our self and each other. Eliza April 10, at pm. Lorraine August 28, at am. Ana April 7, at pm Reply. I just lost my mom a little over a week and a half ago on March I feel most of these symptoms, particularly sleeplessness and my pre existing digestive issues have worsened significantly. I was very attached to my mom and have anxiety disorder as well as a past of eating disorder. These are hard times but I am trying to maintain some sort of routine and I find that it helps a bit.
P Gray April 9, at pm Reply. I just lost my mom also I feel horrible, all out of sorts. I feel helpless. I know it is my nerves. Heidi Kobulnicky April 7, at pm Reply.
I am doing everything. I am now feeling extremely exhausted and feel like I am close to going into a coma. Tuula April 6, at pm Reply. I lost my aunt who was like a mother to me in November, it was sudden. Ann March 23, at am Reply. I lost my mother 2 weeks ago. I have many of the common symptoms; fatigue, dry mouth, body aches. I find myself crying so hard that I hit my legs or other body parts, not hard but compulsively, or hold my head tightly.
Why am I doing this? E March 23, at pm Reply. Nancy March 18, at pm Reply. I lost my mother to Acute Myeloid Leukemia in August of and am still exhibiting grief fatigue.
I take too many naps on weekends and have no energy to maintain order in the house. I have terrible sleep every single night and sleep aids do nothing.
But I am simply exhausted with little other motivation or interests. Reeta March 7, at am Reply. I m glad to come across your article.
My dad passed away on my way to see him last January. I stood at the gate just to entered the plane when it happened. It was the longest flights ever I live in NL and my family lives in Jakarta. I had only for weeks there to help my mom, my brother and luckily we got help from people who are closed to us. I had to go back to my job? I came back, still feeling sad, lost and angry. I started directly going to school and work, without stopping. After one and a half week, my body starts to react to this.
I wanted to keep myself busy with school and work. But it is not going to happen now. It is very difficult when you live far away from home. I still need to see a therapist after I feel better.
And I have been telling myself to toughen up but reading all the comments here, make me realize that grief is a process of mental and physical healing.
Luna February 28, at am Reply. I lost my dad and my grandad within a few weeks in september The first months i was running on autopilot trying to organize all the pratical stuff. At the same time my boyfriend and I was selling our apartment and moving to a new place. Now that it is 5 months since the loss of them, i feel very depressed and out of energy.
Now that i am back everything is the same and i sad most of the time. In fact no one ask me even though i tried to be honest about my situation. Sometimes i just wish to travel far away and start all over again. It hurts me that no one seems to care or see how much i suffer.
It does not feel sustainable for me to keep traveling just to feel better for a while. I do yoga everyday, walk with my dog in nature and eat plant based. Grace February 29, at am Reply. Dear luna, I am writing to tell you that you are most truly not alone. As for advice I think you are doing amazing things for yourself already, with lots of self care, so keep doing that! These feelings will pass, but yes you need to feel the feelings first. Brightest blessings to you!!! Grace xxx.
Biljana February 29, at pm Reply. Hi Luna, you are not alone. I I lost my my mom suddenly just over a year ago and I feel so lost, confused all those feelings you are similar how ur describing. I do yoga, walk my dog , back to work but this pain will be here forever.
The only way I think is to believe that our loved ones are allways with us even though we cant see them. Kay February 20, at am Reply. I lost a good friend on January 12th of Not a great way to go back to a college semester. Before his death I was able to function and get to my classes. Then I went to his funeral that weekend. I never knew a ceremony could be so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. The church was full of kind-hearted people who shared the same pain of this loss.
But to have my friend taken from Leukemia at the age of 19… it really hit hard. I still find it difficult whenever cancer is mentioned and I become sensitive to the topic. My heart and condolences go out to the family and friends. As a person, and a friend who cherished our friendship.
He lived a good life. Always ready to help out and cheer up others. He was a really good soul. He was a really funny guy and had good leadership skills. He knew how to keep us all in check and focused. I even convinced myself at one point that I was a manipulator for wanting help. And for today — when I actually received help. I entered panic mode. When I was able to get back into a clearer state of mind, I wanted to turn things around for me.
I created a small-step goals for myself. Nothing too hard to accomplish. I was able to finally take out my trash, so now instead of hoping to miraculously heal — I need to have initiative to do so.
I was reading a few posts of reply on this article and I decided to let it out too. I really hope that whoever is feeling the same way I am right now is that we can get better. Deborah Collins February 19, at am Reply. I lost my Dad 74 in November, I feel I had never had a change to grieve probably as I was looking after my husband 56 , who was diagnosed with lung cancer at the end of September which had spread!
And passed away 3 weeks after my father At the beginning of December. I was off work for 3 months , but during this ti me just felt like a zombie,! Jess February 4, at pm Reply. I recently lost my mum to a cardiac arrest. She was only 47 and it was very unexpected. Her main artery from her heart to her brain was completely blocked. We lost my uncle at 37 to ascemic heart disease also and my nanny has it but is medicated.
Cant help but she was failes and palmed off by the doctors who consistently told her it was due to menopause, although none of her symptoms were matched to any others on a menopause page! Im still in a state of shock i think but we was so close. I feel so numb and it constantly creeps up on me but whats getting to me at the moment is the dreams.
Because she was starved of oxygen for 45 minutes her brain was too damaged. I dont know what these dreams mean but i cant help but think shes trying to come through and thats how she is now. Or maybe im just being silly. I dont know but my heart is broken and its so unbearable to think im not going to see her ever again. Just thinking about the call that morning gets me but i can not cry infront of anyone.
I feel like i must come across so cold but im so broken. Everyone knows me and knows how close we are so i know people understand what im like in some sense but i just feel like im not able to grieve properly. I dont know what to do everytime i think about it i just want to drink and i know thats not the best idea especially having a 6 yr old girl who misses her and thought the world of her also.
But has anyone else had these kind of dreams? Isit just me thinking at bed time? I dont know im so confused. Ive lost a few people i know but nothing compares to this?? Amanda January 31, at pm Reply. I lost my dad this week, on Tuesday.
An estranged, complicated relationship. He started going down hill when his brother died four years ago. He drank himself Into complete oblivion the last weekend with probably the last four years as a functional alcoholic.
I had absolutely no idea he struggled with addiction. I would have shown up differently for him if I knew. I would have tolerated more. He died alone, in a hospital bed, thinking no body loved him. I cannot imagine that there could ever be a day that I can be at peace about that. It kills me to think about his last few days. Karolina Eriksson February 5, at am Reply. I can relate. I lost my ex-partner to alcohol, about two years ago. He also died alone.
The horrific circumstances leading up to his death has since been wearing on me nonstop. The guilt and sorrow has literally almost killed me. I also lost both my parents this last month, my mother also being an estranged alcoholic. Try and take care, K. Karolina Eriksson February 6, at pm Reply. I can relate to your story, having lost my ex partner to alcohol after me breaking up with him after 12 years , a couple of years ago. The ending for him was in pain and complete loneliness and it wears on my mind and heart every day still.
Guilt and grief of monstrous proportions has more or less broken me. Just this last month I lost both my father and my mother. She, also an estranged alcoholic… well there are a lot of complicated emotions that comes with such a loss. AB January 29, at pm Reply. My father is currently in palliative care with only days, weeks maximum remaining. He has been ill for a while but this all happened quite quickly.
This is the worst part — and because he is still completely coherent and talking it makes it even harder. It just makes me so, so sad. I am going through the worst period in my life and it is comforting to read stories like mine. Thank you. Julia January 27, at pm Reply.
I lost my husband Jan 31st , he was 48 years old and it was very sudden and I tried to resuscitate him. I am always tired, dont want to go to work but ok when I get here , have aches and pains in my body all the time and I got shingles from being so run down, and I have developed anxiety which I never had before but it only comes every now and then. Kris February 6, at pm Reply. Julia I have the same experience.
My husband died suddenly of a stroke in July I feel like I handled it as well as can be expected, but I have the same fatigue you describe. Blake January 23, at am Reply.
I lost my Father October 25th five days after my birthday and lost my Mother later My father passed suddenly with no warning and it has scared me deeply. I was proscribed Prozac and later on Buspar for anxiety with very little help to the point I quit taking them both as they were making me feel worse.
My father and I had a business together buying and selling cars wholesale and also dealing in commercial real estate. We had both been somewhat miserable since the passing of my mother cancer and seemed to finally be on the right track after we had just closed a great commercial real estate deal.
I was truly excited for my Dad and I as we were going to live out a dream of his of living on the water somewhere until this tragically happened. I initially had trouble sleeping which thankfully is better now. If anyone would like to chat please email me Bgogo1 live. Karolina January 22, at am Reply. I lost my father Nov 25, and my mother Jan 3rd , the very morning after I had buried my father. Two years ago I also lost a very important person, who I was a couple with for 10 years, and who had been in my life for almost 20 years.
I lost my ex partner to alcohol and the pain, grief and unbearabe guilt that followed, almost killed me. I could cry, then vomit, then cry again. I had excruciating anxiety. After that, it became very clear in my mind, I had to stay alive, for the sake of my father, and his love to me.
Both my parents were very bad alcoholics, when I was a child, but my father had changed his life around and stopped drinking. During the years we developed a very close bond, and the last years he was a true rock in my life. My mother, on the other hand, did not deal with her alcoholism, and up until I learned of her cancer a year ago, I had not seen her since I was 15 years old, 25 years ago.
I left home when I was 15 and am 40 years today. Alcohol does disrupt families. I got in touch with her as I learned she had cancer and I helped her during her illness. A complete freak accident, which he initially survived fine. However, a grave medical error with his medicines caused his death, just as dramatically, two months later. I have no family of my own and so now I stand completely without anyone. I spent Christmas and New Years eve alone in bed.
Grief is a tormenting lonely experience. I find that aplies both spiritually and practically, in the day to day life. I lie in my bed all day. My body aches all the time. It literally feels like my body in sinking in mud.
The fatigue is unreal. The only thing I am confident of by reading your story is that your dad would want you to know he IS with you and IS supporting you and would want you to get up, pull yourself together and start enjoying your life again. You have been through an awful lot so let it make you rather than break you.
Karolina Eriksson February 5, at am. Dear Jenny. Yet you have such strengh in you, to send me these powerful words of comfort — me a stranger, yet fellow griever. I thank you, truly. How do one force oneself, seeing the fatigue and apathy before life is so overwhealming? Shils February 4, at am Reply. I just lost my mom on the 27th of January her birthday was the day before. Im 23 and i dont know what i feel my mom was my best friend. My emotions go up and down it feels so strange im exhausted.
I hate this. Jamie December 31, at pm Reply. My sister was diagnosed with kidney cancer on October 20 she just passed away December 14 8 weeks later… she never even had a chance to fight the cancer as she had her kidney removed with the tumor and her remaining kidney failed.
This has been so devastating to me. My sister was beautiful, kind and a loving mother to 3 children. My whole body and being hurts. I even went and had a kidney ultrasound cause I was feeling pain in my kidney region and was worried after what went down with my sister.
I guess grief can cause that? Jessica January 11, at pm Reply. She was young and had her whole life ahead of her. Despite, adversity my sister always prevailed. Anger: As reality begins to set in, the bereaved often feel angry and may take out their frustration irrationally. Bargaining: Bargaining can take two forms and is often a manifestation of self-blame. It can also take on a more literal form, such as making promises to a higher power in exchange for a different outcome.
Depression: The depression stage of grief is different from clinical depression, although grief can cause the bereaved to become clinically depressed. In the depression stage, we experience profound sadness and often regret, such as berating ourselves for not spending enough time with our loved one. Grief and Insomnia Insomnia is most likely to occur during the anger and bargaining stages. Sleeping Too Much Many people find grief exhausting.
We want things how they were. You might wonder if you will ever stop crying… will you ever be ok? You will, but for everyone the pace of healing is different. Luckily, shedding tears are one of the most efficient things you can do to facilitate healing.
Apathy: Grief can feel like you are walking through quicksand, literally at times. You go through the motions of everyday, but things take longer and everything feels harder.
Worse, you might not care. Grieving is hard work, and it takes a toll on your energy. The good news is that with time, you will regain your interests and your energy again, as you adjust mentally and emotionally to your new reality.
This simmering frustration with anew reality can loom in the background of everything you do, and consume a lot of your precious energy, leaving less energy and patience for others, and yourself. Understanding the physical and emotional causes of your irritability can help you recognize it, and mitigate its prominence by taking better care of yourself and slowing down.
Mental Fog: Grief can make it hard to sustain attention and concentrate, leaving you feeling as mentally tired as you do physically. Grief is shared: Losing a loved one is a family affair, and often occurs in the context of having to care for others while caring for yourself.
Moreover, family discord can be fueled by a shared loss, as painful emotions and their typical coping mechanisms, run their course. Sleep changes: Not only is grief emotionally draining, but it can be physically draining too. Dreams tend to amplify as you try to cope with this new reality, and loved ones are often the subject of these wishful dreams, making it harder to wake up to the grim reality of their loss.
It will happen — give it love. Designed to help you take control of never-ending worries and the feedback loops that support them, this course can help you take control so you can find the peace of mind and confidence you crave, starting right now… Offered at a huge discount for a limited time, claim your spot here.
Glamour — Feeling Stressed? Rose on May 1, at pm. Clark, PsyD on May 5, at am. Thanks Sagess and Rose for commenting. Wishing you both peace as you grow and heal, Alicia.
Danny on May 29, at am. Thank you so much; I needed this so desperately today! Clark, PsyD on May 30, at pm. Cathy Hutto on July 10, at am. Clark, PsyD on July 23, at pm. Lee Ann on August 8, at pm. Clark, PsyD on August 13, at pm. Clark, PsyD on May 26, at pm. Thoko on December 29, at am.
Margaret on September 1, at pm. Clark, PsyD on September 3, at pm. All my best to you, Alicia. Sushicam on September 8, at pm. Clark, PsyD on September 23, at pm. Karen Bayless on December 4, at pm. Clark, PsyD on January 4, at pm.
Wishing you all the best as you face the months ahead, and grow into this next life chapter. Marian Lawrie on July 13, at am. John on January 29, at pm. Clark, PsyD on January 29, at pm. Judy on March 13, at pm. Clark, PsyD on May 6, at pm. Cynthia on July 4, at pm. Ron on October 10, at am. Mary on January 5, at pm.
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